Choices

      One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is agency. What I mean by that is the power to make choices. It is not an unusual desire for a parent to want to protect their child, help them avoid mistakes, and solve their problems for them. But consider the message we are sending a child when we make their decision. What we say to a child when we make their choice is, “You are not smart enough to do this so I will do it for you.”

     Of course, that is not the message we are intending to give, but think about it, we actually take away their opportunity to make a mistake. And, like it or not, mistakes are what lead to knowledge. Each time we make a choice for a child, we deprive them of an opportunity to think about what may happen as a result.

     There are times when allowing a child to make a choice is not best however, and we need to understand where that line is. Safety first. If your child is making a choice to walk across a busy road, that could be a mistake that has too high a price.

     Think of it this way, can my child pay the price for this choice? For example, when a two year old insists on climbing on a step stool that is a foot high, they may fall. Is that one foot fall going to hurt them? Likely not more than a bump on the head or a scrape on the knee. That price is one that they can pay and learn a lesson from. Next time, they are going to think before climbing on that stool. If we continually pull them down from the stool, we make the choice for them and leave no room to learn. They have gained nothing but more curiosity and a whole bunch of frustration. And all too often, frustration leads to misbehavior.

     The great thing about choice is that it empowers children. They get to make a choice and they feel they are in control. But when a choice is presented, make sure you are okay with either decision. This keeps control in your court too and is a win win situation where both parent and child are okay with the outcome. It gives the child an opportunity to learn and tells them that we believe they are smart enough to make a choice. Learning with small prices while young will instill wisdom for those higher priced choices later in life.

     And likely, as your children grow, they will have more confidence in themselves and greater honor for you. And that calculation equals out to be a better behaved, happier, and wise child that grows into a successful adult. Now that is a reward worth working for.